21 Haziran 2009 Pazar
i was thinking about the amount of work-hours, mental energy and psychological health, that i had spent while i was following some targets.. after all i mean.. after all the hardware were obtained and heaped up over each other.. i worked hard and attained my objectives. "to the eyes of the other people".. "it happens, when you work hard". but this saying still seems somewhat strange to me..
resoluteness, belief, goal... these are the ready-made phrases of those who doesn't give up believing, that, in this life some stuff ought to be done. but these are all a bit suspicious, eh?..
in this last winter which was busy and productive, i've rather had this following combination of phrases, which is a bit absurde: hard-work, pertinacity, disbelief. reward in return of hard-work is not a well known issue for me... i don't think that there is a self-evident value of work or subsequent reward. and goal-orientedness isn't well known to me either.. i'm being dragged by dragging itself.
i was sitting idly, a day in this last winter, and i almost suddenly started doing stuff that everybody including me were thinking that they would be fine for me.. and then you just start to follow procedures, you start to be dragged... no belief, resoluteness or goal here, just inertia. you roll the stone into the well, then you have to take it out. and this what's happening seems to most people as just normal.
it's not always a will to success that's dragging you. for me it's most of the times some other thing, like a will to stay levelled with my age-group, or just plain foolish-pride. so a foolish moment led this person into 4 more years of engagement. and when i raise my eyes again from this process, i will be halfway in my life. omg! his 30's are the best years of a man my friend, eh?
12 Haziran 2009 Cuma
sınıfların oluşumunda (ortak çıkarlar ve benzer şekilde düşünme, davranma ve hissetme eğilimine sahip insanların oluşturduğu toplumsal gruplar) tüketim alışkanlıkları, yaşam tarzı seçimleri veya gelir temel belirleyici değilmiş, asıl belirleyici olan ekonomik işlevimizmiş. hayatımızı kazanmak için yaratıcı işler yapıyor olmak bizi biz kılıp aynılaştırıyormuş. diğer sınıflardan daha esnek ve görece otonom olabilen, inisiyatif alabilen, problem çözebilen bir sınıf olmalıyız. çünkü her ürünü ve iş sürecini sürekli yeniden yeniden gözden geçiriyoruz ve bunları yeni şekillerde biraraya getirmekteyiz ve teknik ve ekonomik yaratıcılık sanatsal ve kültürel yaratıcılıktan (ve aslında önüne gelen herşeyden) besleniyor. böylece artık yaratıcılık aykırı sanatçının elinden alınıyor, bizle birlikte merkeze geliyor. o artık beyaz yakalı çalışanın malı. florida yazmış bunları hep. vallahi.. okuyun.
giving a break and going down to the courtyard is about your social class, finding out new ideas while talking to your pals, in a party, in a bar, in the street and being constantly occupied everywhere, that's also a class thing. the mind doesn't stop at all, eh? you just don't know where and when it will start to give outputs and what is currently going on in it and how... that's like an incubator, you feed it, you set the suitable environment, and wait, that's also about social classes.
while constantly working, being like never working, to harness fulfillment from what you do _even if it's job proper_ is an issue about your class, to own your business and mind nothing more, to derive your prestige from peer recognition, the constant action of self-marketing, to colleagues, to potential mates, and bosses, all ensue from your class characteristics. being vulnerable to exploitation (i will be the slave of my job, as long as mindless managers don't prevent me with his vagaries _dilbert syndrome), being a long way off from politic issues and politic organizations, being preferably apolitic, at most soft-politic in all cultural production, those are taken over from your class too. defining yourself through supplied services and goods and through experiencing those services and goods and through showing yourself with those services and goods, i mean being molded into pre-defined patterns, and zealously looking after this definition is about class. saying "no one can touch my beard" is a property of my class, so are traveling around with bike, and nurturing a desire for rock climbing. asking basic questions about your life _who am i, what do i do, what am i to be, what am i to do_ and answering it as we do, getting married or breeding late -if ever, thinking about your life outside your job and getting your identity not from the organizations or social groups that you are part of, but trying to devise an individual identity, these are class things. weak social ties, temporary and loose acquaintances _instead of perennial connections like relatives_ the search for breaking free from social control and monitoring, open relationships, focusing on an ever regenerating social milieu, are also about our class. tolerance for diverse opinions, lifestyles, ethnicities and sexual preferences, is functional and contemporaneous with our classes advent. to like those little bohemians and artists strolling around, going out for small jazz clubs, street level art venues, and fancy little restaurants, and staying fit are pertinent to our class. independent behavior, an interest in arts, a mind set free, and an openness to speculation are gifts to our class. our utilitarianism, self-esteem, risk taking, rule breaking, casual iconoclasm and subversion _rather than conformism_ all are expected and demanded from us, by our bosses. broad experiences and perspectives are required by our class for their jobs, which are highly addictive 'cause they're "stimulating and glamorous".
in order to come to that creative leap, a mostly non-creative, but highly sel-disciplined toil, a considerable consumption of sweat and blood is necessary, hence unending work mostly consists of boring preparation and inefficient constant-dice-rolling. waiting for the creative moment to come, to prepare the atmosphere which it loves most, oh how uncertain, yet, if we be nice children and work hard at our workstations, which are decorated into more individualized and enjoyable places than our homes, if we believe ourselves and work harder and longer, believing that we will definitely get the results, and getting the results and also getting to be alone, those are about our class too. being self-fueled and self-motivated, wishing only to be allowed creativity just for creating ideas for an organization's sake, sharing not the profits but the risks of that organization as a regular employee, but with no job-security for sure, or under banner of "freelance" sharing risks of outsourcing organizations, these define our economic functionality. meritocracy, as much as not being able to leave workplace while colleagues are still working, is a class thing.
a need for vacation, prominence of self-esteem and self-fulfillment, working for having fun, for doing something nice, for making a contribution, and for learning, outsourcing mundane activities to ubiquitous 7/24 service servants _the contingents of service class_ with a simultaneous interest in non-profit philanthropic organizations, a feeling of responsibility i mean, are well matched with our class. horizontal job navigation, job insecurity, prominence of personal capabilities, and being thrown into this world alone, spending incredible amounts of money and time to self-education, being never able to end studentship, appreciating work's nature and environment more than money paid, choosing living place not in accordance with job options but living quality, loving challenge and responsibility, and also flexibility _in dressing, work schedule, work environment, mind-set, and working style_ are due to our class. working more than ever in a warped time, and trying to utilize every moment, an interweaving of daily schedule _where we serially chatter, deeply concentrate, go to a third place to relax, do a creative work, attend a seminar, ride a bike, swim for an hour, go back to your nice workplace and chatter, drink a glass of wine, do some paperwork, and dream of what you will do at your busy and nice night time at home; and a constant complaint about the hardships of quick mind-transitions_ this increasingly crazy rush, ensuing stress, but at the same time getting to be more and more gratified and enthusiastic, these are givens; liberty and voluntary slavery go hand in hand, class thing, those subtle methods of control are required, cause creativity doesn't work without willful slavery, organizations try to seduce us while we are willing to be seduced, what do we want? an organization that values us, providing us with challenging occupations, and a relatively stable work environment, and letting us burst out our full capacity for creativity and individuality, we aren't whining because of too much work, but of too little time. a front loaded career, a passionate quest for experience, the rise of experience economy, a need to buy participative experiences, scuba diving, snowboarding, rock climbing, cycling, bungee jumping, and any package-adventure, emptying the mind via long exercises, being inclined to more organic, authentic, and street level activities and places with a historical background, preferring activities that are not hard-scheduled but available any time, the fantasy kitchen to be used twice a year, shifting to a more hedonistic morality, and becoming more bohemian-like in lifestyle, the wish to easily find many entertainment options nearby, the rise, widening and elaboration of the entertainment sector, a need for social interaction, and a search for tolerance and diversity, they are all due to our class and its rise.
the main determinant in the constitution of the classes (which are social groups formed by people who have common interests and who tend to think, behave and feel similarly) are not consuming habits, lifestyle choices or income levels, but our economic function. what makes us into an "us" is what we do for a living. we have to be a class of people, as relatively more independent and flexible problem solvers, decision makers and creators. 'cause we constantly consider and re-consider every product and process, and bring these together in ever new ways. this technical and economic creativity is fed by almost everything including artistic creativity. thus, creativity is taken over from the artist (who is also part of our class now), brought to center, to be consigned to the white collar employee. florida wrote all these. really. read it.
şuncacık bir konuda bile (araştırma görevlilerinin özlük hakları ve üniversitede tepeden inme kadrolaşma) ve şuncacık bir örgütlenmede bile bir kısmı sendika aktivisti olup başı çeken grup "olanak sağlayıcı", "kolaylaştırıcı", "yürütücü", "sözcü" rollerinle yetinmeyip karar alıcılar ve rıza oluşturuculara, karar ve kanaat önderlerine dönüşme arzusu sergilemeye başlıyorlar. herhalde içinden gelinen geleneklerle de alakası var bunun... bir toplu hareketin olduğu her yerde bir yönetici "komite", "kurul", "meclis", bir seçilmiş yönetici yada yürütücü grubu olmalıymış gibi düşünmeye alışmış olabiliriz. o zaman bir grup aktivistin toplantı üstüne toplantı düzenledikleri ve katılımı artırmaya çalıştıkları bir sürecin bir yönetici grubunun seçilmesine kadar süreceğini ve esas işlevinin "meşru temsil" görüntüsü üretmek olduğunu anlıyoruz. basitçe ikiyüzlülükten değil başka türlüsünü düşünememekten, aramamaktan, işin doğru yolunun bu olduğunu düşünmekten kaynaklanıyor olabilir bu tavır. toplantıya gidiyorsun. işi bilenler sıralanmış birbiri ardına konuşuyorlar bilgileniyorsun. sonra anlıyorsun ki bunlar her toplantıya gelenler ve bunlar esas insanlar, sahnedeler, sen figüransın, dinlemek ve destek vermek için ordasın. bir fikir ortaya atılsa "biz bu konuları çoktan konuştuk, sen şimdi nerden çıktın, neyse sen nefesini tüket de nasılsa bizim enerji ve kararlılığımızla yarışamazsın, biz yine başbaşa kalıp bildiğimiz gibi işleri yürüteceğiz ve dönüp sana işte bu görüşler senin, senin olanı senin adına biz yürüttük ama sen yapmış oldun diyeceğiz" gibi bir hava estiriyorlar. kendini önemli sorumluluklar, görevler ve pozisyonlara atamış insanlarla karşı karşıyasın. (demokratik merkeziyetçi sendikamız çok yaşa?) e dur bi kardeşim, sen burda geniş katılımlı bir hareket istemiyor musun? ("toplantılarımız herkese açık ki!?") burda sadece kendini temsil etmiyor musun? yoksa biz senin peşine takılıp sendika merkezinden gelen yönergeleri mi takip edeceğiz? evet şüphesiz.. eğer katılmaktan geri durursak "yorulduğumuz" anlaşılıyor, bu örgütlenme tarzında sorun yok, yeniden motive edileceğiz, sorun çözülecek. farklı görüşler iş yapmayı zorlaştırır değil mi, iş bitirmeye çalışıyoruz... bunlar bana hep vatikan'ın hristiyan aleminin ta kendisi oluşunu hatırlatıyor. tanım gereği kilisenin her kararı hristiyan aleminin ta kendisinin kararıdır ya.. onun gibi.. bunlar da işte hareketin önderleri ve takipçileri olarak ortaya çıktılar ya, topumuzla özdeşler.
hayır işte bu böyle olmuyor. herkesin sürece katılmadığı hareketler enerjisini yitirir gibi geliyor. o komite kendi başına kalır gibi geliyor, esas olarak da bizim beyaz yakalı kesimi söz konusu olduğunda... en baştan gerçekten herkesin ortaklaşa ürettiği fikirler üzerinden bir örgütlenme ve hareket yaratmak ve katılımı hastacasına sürdürmeye çalışmakla, insanların önderleri tarafından çekilip götürülen bir kitle olmak üzere bir iki toplantıya gelmesi arasında dağlar kadar fark var.. bizi eylemde disipline edip dörtlü korteje sokmak için ısrar edenler (hani acemiydik ama hizaya sokulmaya da ihtiyacımız yoktu), talihsiz sloganlar atılmasın diye önceden tribün önderi gibi sloganları çalışanlar, ya da eylemin yükseldiği anda kenarda saklı tuttukları daha radikal sloganlarını hemen ortaya servis edenler işlerini biliyorlar (güncel dert ve taleplerden bizi yakalayarak daha geniş ölçekli bir politik düşünceye disiplinli yandaş kazanmaya çalışmak...) bir örgütleme geleneğinden geldiklerini anlıyoruz ama bu gelenekte tatsız bir yan var... ondan sonra hareketin "enerjisi düşüyor", katılım artacağına azalıyor... (olabilir, bunlara da hazırlıklılar, bunlar da bildikleri şeyler... uzun soluklu "mücadele"...)
odtü'deki devrim yazısına gidip önünde fotoğraf çektirmemiz bunların nasıl ortamlardan geçerek bugünlere geldiklerini haber veriyor. düpedüz komik. annem de tayland'da file binmiş, kaplan yavrusu beslerken fotoğraf çektirmiş. kitle turizmiyle aynı zihin düzeyinde olmamız ne fena.. file binersin, harika. fotoğraf çektirirsin, o da iyi de, ikisine de büyük bir anlam vermezsin. keyiftir işte.. yada belki devrimin önünde fotoğraf çektirmezsin. ne bileyim... hep kötüleyip durmak istemiyorum. belki de zihnim böyle çalışıyor. bu işler başka türlü olabilirmiş gibi geliyor banq. olsaymış iyi olurmuş. ama beşeri yeteneksizliklerim yüzünden elimden de gelmiyor ortaya atılıp başka türlüsünü yapmak...
there's something nice in these union/syndicate affairs; but also something insipid.. even relatively trivial issues like research assistants' personnel rights, or top-down staff shifting intentions of the government, may arise, in some people, a will to be transformed into decision makers, leaders or consent-managers; they don't seem to be able to stay content with being mere facilitators, or spokesmen, or participants equal to all the others, they have to drag the others according to some pre-established (at the meeting rooms of the syndicate perhaps) plan. this may not be just an individual will to prominence, but may be part of a broader strategy. it must have something to do with heritages of previous opposition traditions.
whenever there's a common intention for action, we are used to find or constitute a central committee, a council, a commission, a board of representatives (or watch them being constituted in the name of us). problem is, a group of activists, with very nice intentions and aims, try to gather some participation, but in the end we understand that what they understand from the verb "participate", is "to authorize some representatives, as leaders". a self-established most-active-guys group, regard perpetual participation as an inhibitor, when speed and resolution is needed, and maybe they're right. they want the others to hand over their decision-making faculties, for the sake of common cause. so we come to see that a series of open gatherings gradually give way to semi-open meetings, where the real guys, the leaders, the volunteers, the activists, the established, and not a surprise: the organized (in the syndicate, or in another organization), perform their meeting, inform the others about the ongoing process, and the decisions already made, and the others are mere spectators, the only possible action to be giving consent, 'cause it is an ongoing process and we're in the middle and we already headed to somewhere, and the real guys worked hard and they had a right to not to be bothered by ignorant newcomers.. etc. but it is our cause, isn't it? or is it always the same, also with these marxists, participation is only a spectacle, performed for legitimating representatives. it's not because of mere hypocrisy, it's because not to be able to think otherwise, this is the dominant style of opposition traditions in our country.
but no, especially for white-collar employees, this may not be a viable option. we're individualistic, and we all have opinions, shallow or deep, rational or trivial, we want them to be noticed. we, each, have to be paid attention. so a permanent frenzy of participation, a constant will to participation, and regard and care for opinions could be a better option for gathering us around a cause.
at the protests, some of the union activists tried to organize us into regular lines, and some were commissioned to carry the megaphone to orchestrate and stimulate us into a limited number of carefully selected slogans, and some, at the peaks of the enthusiasm, deliberately injected their rather more radical slogans, and they knew what they were doing: grabbing a group of people from current problems and demands, and enlisting them for a wider political agenda, and this is nice, but trying to transform them into disciplined followers wouldn't be...
11 Haziran 2009 Perşembe
[turned out to be a difficult entry for me, i just can't handle this issue!?.. i will not give an account of the book (but there is one here).. there is something "touchy" here.. i start writing about it again and again and find myself branching over inessential issues... it's about our changing lifestyle, for me, it's about being a new "us". our will to individuality is submerged in a generality in an ironic reversal. i will set aside all the considerations about proofs, statistics, methodology, effectiveness, or causality (nor wil i take them as granted). rather i will write about this ironic reversal. when florida writes about the characteristics of a new class, that seemed to me to be right on the spot. the apparent transformation of a kind of white-collar person. the tacit agreement between us and the city and the company, our identity/brand, our new "warped" time usage which keeps us on a constant run (we can't spare our time), the new more comfortable and cool arrangements in our workspaces ("thirdspaces" added, all for emergent creativity and alleged fulfillment: make workplace more exciting than home), our new and casual, or stylish dressing (express yourself, be yourself, construct yourself, your brand i mean -be cool), (most important of all:) our bicycle roads, tolerance that we enjoy so much, and underlying pragmatism and "soft" pre-planning: if someday we were led to striving for leading more meaningful lives, it was all about our productivity, efficiency, creativity, economic gain that we produced. (not the worst scenario, is it? at least we have no anxiety about hunger or homelessness..).. everything about ourselves, that we are proud of doing and being, are consequences of conscious strategies of others, devised to add-gain value from the market, via our creativity and productivity. we are the "right-hand" class of the sovereign (and still i'm whining!) if not (as florida asserted) the sovereign itself. at least there's a dinner table for us too. the book is:] richard florida, the rise of the creative class. (everything i wrote about this issue seemed to me to be stereotypical) it might be fruitful to elaborate on florida's simple schemes, first the scheme of classes, then the issue of creativity. i have to state that, the tripartite class structure described by florida is far from complete: industrial (and manufacture) workers, the service sector workers and us, the creative class. but where are the entrepreneurs? (within the creative class.) the bosses? (within the creative class.) capitalists? (within the creative class.) political decision makers? (within the creative class.) and so on... bourgeoisie and upper-middle classes are mingled with some mid-class white collars, and are altogether gathered in this new class. here, there's no issue of ownership, no question of exploitation, unequality is altogether abolished for this new ruling elite!! indeed this simplistic (if not naive) opinion of florida is shared by many white collar employees, who tend to see themselves not through their own reality, but through an image projected on several generic brand-personalities. so, to florida, hierarchical administrative structures are invisible, if there are managerial structures, we, the creative ones, are the governors. no, don't think of florida as inconsiderate, he values creativity more than everything, and advises in favor of a more equal distribution of it (to the hairdressers and factory workers) (and this is nice). when we do creative jobs, then our lives might be more fulfilled (but also try "street-level activities", it helps), talking about inequality in wages and life-standards is just banal (and there're no other countries, nor a third industrial, or a fourth primitive world... other countries do not have peoples, they're mere trade rivals). so the privileged is basically privileged in fulfillment. and that's true. and a life with creative occupations is nice. this is a wish that was transferred from artistic avant-garde; from the romantics to the situationists, a society is summoned, where everybody is an artist, a perpetual creator of his/her own life. those artistic people led their lives in so exciting ways, that, when they imagined a utopian future, what they envisaged was a life in an ideal image of their milieu. now that creativity is re-established as an economic activity, with an unprecendented effectivity, for every aspect of the market (or life?), it's not surprising to hear that same wish, from a white-collar workaholic, who has taken over creativity from the artists. in this liberal realm, any activity is present, as long as it produces an economic value. and absorbing everything that has a potentiality to produce any economic value, and converting it to money, is itself a very important creative activity.
creativity occurs in problem solving, which might be thought to be a general class, including almost every human act. now i would like to distinguish two sub-types of problem solving. in one type, brief is given. but the problem should be constantly re-defined. this may or may not be conducted as a creative process (in process: doing something in an unusual way, in product: obtaining "new" and still "usable" or "meaningful" results). but it should be productive. and now there's this other sub-type: you have to produce a problem even out of nothing. or you should find something to be considered as a problem, i mean, find something to do or to produce or to sell or to spend your energy! it's called economy, drive it. now your problem is creating problems. this is an activity of entrepreneurs, capitalists (or employees of the capitalists), product managers, designers (as product managers and marketers), and scientists etc. this is absolutely creative work. here we should stress the importance of marketing and advertisement (but florida seems to omit these as creative activities)...
maybe we were cultivated to be somebody. and this was not altogether haphazard. someone knew it. planned it. there are stages of education. one for the workers and service workers (primary education, no need for thinking, just an ability to read-write, and an eagerness to defend your state's values), another for ordinary officialdom (ordinary high school for uniform organisation people), one for professionals (university and higher education).. and for the academics even a higher one. but the professions changed. and the professionals have to be educated differently now. we're living this transition. there's no specter of market, strolling around our world and demanding its necessities, no, there are top down decision-making hierarchies. socio-economic transformations are carefully monitored, and assessed and turned into relevant decisions. and then via mass media, they are revelated to us. there's a sphere of media and commodity distribution relevant to each group. we get our messages. and this is culture. that's a trend, a cool person, a commodity, luxury, a fine wc in a fine restaurant, a bar of chocolate, a nice courtyard, a nice look while getting out of the car, a designed item, a sponsored festival, a new hairstyle, a workshop experience. we get our message from everywhere. we are all trend-trackers. the world changes, and we easily smell what we ought to turn into. yesterday it was mustache, now a beard; you were an engineer, you had a family and two children, and charles was in charge, today you're perpetually about to meet your daughter's mother, and you're lost, you have to be lost, you have to stay cool, you're there, you should be there, the messages are clear, that's hip, you have to experience; once, it was what you bought, now it's what you experience. so go for it. or seem to be a looser. you are a looser anyway, but you shouldn't seem to be one. now that you're racing ahead for your personal brand's sake, you are more enthusiastic than the rulers themselves, a zealous defender (and slave) of creativity, for economy's sake, which is an inherent "good". now the rulers are tolerant. and we are also tolerant. we are creative. and we cultivate creativity. and everything before creativity is evil. we commenced a war against the old-world. we love our creative jobs. we are ready to be the slaves of our fate.
9 Haziran 2009 Salı
finally, i too have a paper submitted (as a co-author). i work in the field of computational design, and in particular, design automation. i will work. when did the researcher work on these? it's weird. who's the researcher? i'm not sure that i know him anymore. a lasting moment of academic alienation. (and here's the paper, let it be)
we have an end-of-year recreation called "the seminars" in our scientific unit. not the interest but concentration raises by every year. this year we were on the top! but i saw that there left nothing to talk. now we're due to produce new studios, and at the seminars bring the depictions of those in front of the elder colleauges, and stand up for them. and also there is this "performance" thing. and it has its types: performance of a football interpreter, dance performance, stand-up performance, performance of gentleness, performance of considerateness, and the psychological support performance, and the family and also the workplace and farsightedness performances... impossible to count them all. too many roles to stage. hard job, the studio tutorship. we always tend to look at it as it was staged by the student. it appears, when we stop looking at it like this, performance of the tutor. (this year's seminars were the best i've ever seen, but it was a mere waste of time.)
6 Haziran 2009 Cumartesi
derken bir şekilde bir stüdyo benim üstüme kaldı. ben de hazırladım. sonra da yürüttüm. değişik bir stüdyoydu. buradan baktığımda ilginç, hatta iyi yanları vardı; hem içerik hem stüdyo kurgusu açısından.. ama şimdi sadece biçimsel yönlerinden bahsedeceğim. çok net bir programı ve yapısı vardı stüdyonun. ne zaman ne yapılacak, dönemin neresinde ne var... bunların bir kere bildirildiğinde esnememesini, yerli yerinde söylendiği tarihte ve söylendiği gibi yapılmasını kafaya takmıştım... bu ciddiyeti kendimiz uygulayacak ve karşı tarafa bir mesaj vermiş olacaktık. ondan sonra, mesela teslim tarihleri ve teslimde istenenler konusunda daha fazla tolerans olmayacaktı. şu saat denecek, o saatte alınacaktı. bir bizim okulda bu acayip geciktirme hastalığı vardı ve benim gibi kuralcı ruhları bu durum hep rahatsız etmişti, bir haksızlıktır gidiyordu... e-şit-le-ye-cek-tik. ("deadline diye bişey var canım, bizi de öyle bir yetiştirdiler ki bir türlü hiçbir deadlinea yetişemiyoruz.") sonra herkese kendi yaptığından sorumlu yetişkinler olarak davranılacaktı, kimsenin peşinden koşulmayacaktı, burası anaokulu değildi. (ama belki ilkel bir ofise mi dönüşmekteydi?) herkes o belirli ve kesin saate kadar ne yaptıysa yapacak, orada da kalacak, bunu da önceden bilecek.. artık istediği gibi ayarlansın...
bunları uyguladım. bir ara teslim alıyorum, kaç dakika tolerans var? beş dakika! net. duyuruyorum. 6. dakikada geleni almıyorum. almadım da. oyun gibi. ama çocuklara diyordum ki: az sayıda kural var, gerisi serbest ama bu kurallar esnemiyor. oyun evet, kurallar da bunlar. kuralların kazandırdığı disiplin ve esneklik arasında uygun bir denge? sonra da zamanında getirmeyenlere telafi şansı olarak ceza veriyordum: benim seçtiğim bir kitabı okumak ve gelip herkese anlatmak! ama son teslimde artık ceza not idi. bir takım not kriterleri belirledim. bunlar arasında esas pay yıl içindeki katılımdaydı. yaptığım yoklamalar ve her hafta olan sunumlar ve ara teslimdeki pafta sayısı gibi ölçülebilir, niceliksel hususlar üzerinden notlar tutuyordum. katılımın niteliğini ölçebileceğimden emin değildim ama yıl içinde bir takım değerlendirme notları vermiştim. yıl sonunda bütün dönemi değerlendirecektik, sadece son teslime veya öğrencilerin şekil şemaline bakarak değerlendirmek kabul edilemezdi, artık yetmişti bütün bunlar! hep karakterlere not veriliyordu, performansa değil.. bunun gibi bir milyon detay daha. uykularım kaçıyordu. çok çalıştım. çok yüklendim. ama herhangi bir stüdyodan daha başarılı ürünler veremedik. belki pek çoğundan daha başarısız oldu stüdyo, esas olarak da ürünler açısından.
bunları ve bir milyon başka fikri bir dönemde denedim. neye takıldım sonra? bu kaskatı çerçevenin keyfiliğine. oyun gibiydi işte. nasıl bu kadar ciddiye alabildim? bir denemeydi ama nasıl bir seri insanı bunu oynamaya zorlayabildim? "işte bu da böyle bir dönem, başlarına bu dönem de bu geldi" diye bakıyordum bu işe... ertesi yıl geniş bir yürütücü ekibiyle bambaşka bir yıl yaşadım. yukarıda bahsettiğim hususlarda şikayet edegeldiğim ne varsa hepsi yerli yerindeydi. hem sürece hem sonuçlara bakıyorum, bu ikincisi daha kötü sonuç vermiyor. yani o katılık aslında bir işe yaramadı, stüdyoya birşey katmadığı gibi belki bazı şeyleri bozdu? motivasyonun ve üretimin mekanizmaları başkaydı ve bu yürütücüden öğrenciye örnekleme yoluyla aktarılacak bir "işini ciddiye almak tavrı"yla kuvvetlendirilebilecek bir şey değildi. kaldı ki motivasyon belki de sorgulanması gereken bir şeydi. kuralcılık çalışmakla da hayatla da bağdaşan bir şey değildi. disiplin, aslında insanları sorgulanmamış mekanizmaların işleyen parçası kılmaya yarayan fena bir aygıttı. birileri birşeyler üretmek üzere kendilerini disipline edeceklerse, bu onların bileceği şeydi. biz bunu onlara nasıl dayatırız? aslında ben, geçen yüzyıldan kalma eskimiş bir çalışma ve stüdyo tarzının, yani doğruların ve yöntemlerin baştan verili olduğu bir ortamda, hiyerarşik bir usta-çırak (veya patron-çalışan, veya üst-ast) ilişkisi üzerinden, bir mesleğin doğrularını, yanlışlarını ve en başta itaati sağlayacak bir iş disiplinini potansiyel çalışanların zihinlerine kazıyan bir meslek eğitiminin neferine döndürmüştüm kendimi... hem de her fırsatta lanet okuduğum bir mesleğin doğrularını... ne acayip bir katmanlaşma: hem mimar olmadığını haykır, hem aynı mimarlığı ölümüne yeniden ürettirmeye çalış, hem mimarlığın "özsel" fenalıklarını haykır, hem mimarlığın "doğru"larını dilinden düşürme...
i've had my share of distress, as a student. that was because of the clash of our institution's slackness and my secret underlying sub-personality as a "rules-person"... i had felt that it all went along not as it had to go, but in an annoying manner, mostly because of a slackness, that was presented in a guise of tolerance. and all the unseriousness, unrighteousness, ensuing low-motivation, and what not, you know these kinds of things all have to have consequences that everybody grasp their inherent harm, so this also had its evils, and i was finding them all, with my all-rational polemical talent. when i've happened to become a research assistant, i then knew that this education of architecture was something to be much more serious and time-consuming (than it was at our institution), according to world standards. several principles had been revelated to me during my hardships: 1. need to work much more harder, for those aspired much better results 2. there should have been technical something (and that could be knowledge that was necessary for creativeness) 3. seriousness, to be conveyed from the tutors, to the students; as a means of providing that missing motivation 4. and all those minor issues that were collected and noted as sketches for a future stuio.
and all of a sudden, at a time when i was absolutely indifferent to architectural design education, a studio happened to fall into my evil arms. and i prepared and tutored it. it was an interesting studio experience with some fine and ugly sides, both in terms of content and also formal features. i will just write about the formal ones now. i prepared a strict structure, according to principle three. no needless flexibility. something said, that done. this would be a strong message, in favour of discipline. but indeed there were a very small number of those strict rules. i mean, very little to be told, but told exactly, and to be done. and all the rest, free. one of those strict rules was about the deadlines. the elasticity was just five minutes. and the sixth minute, it was over. there was a kind of punishment to recover (in one case, reading a book that i had chosen -a philosophical book i mean- and talking about it at the studio, with a convincing content). and the schedule was meant to be a strong message in this same manner. no spontaneous frivolities. but pre-planned frivolities, right from the beginning of the term. this would also provide transparency. and for the assignment of grades, i was also prepared: not the personalities, not the final submission, but whole of the studio participation, in concrete terms (weekly presentation presence, mid-term submission quantities and regular 'roll call' notes), and equally. according to above mentioned principle two, the designing was meant to be more through research about techniques or about an intellectual stance, and decisions about ensuing "generic designing methods" or "intellectual designing positions", than a solution based integral design process. i mean, first a generic designing "way", then the particular applications! as at the time i was interested in designing like this, i thought this could be an interesting designing methodology, but i couldn't appreciate at the time, that, for most of the human-designers this approach was quite unapplicable.
i worked hard (principle one)(by the way, there were no numbered lists at the time). i tried my best, that's for sure. but it turned out that we couldn't produce better results than an ordinary studio. maybe worse than many. it was quite fine at the start, but the last couple of months of the studio, contrary to my intentions, motivation went downward. so gratiutousness of my approach appeared to me with all its strength. it was an experiment, but i was too serious with it. i demanded a bunch of students to play my game, and the game failed. next year i was with a team of colleagues, in a studio with an almost opposite approach. all my former complaints were there. and i look both at the process and to the products, this second definitely didn't yield worse results. that strictness, that formal straightjacket was something useless; just a vagary. motivation and production had different mechanisms. it was not about a conveyed seriousness. this slackness could have been an essential part of the "creative" studio. but the questioning doesn't stop short: perhaps, discipline itself was something to be questioned. it was meant to be a tool for shaping individuals to be prospective employees. and seriousness may not be something relevant to neither working, nor life. if some young people decide to discipline themselves in order to produce something fine, it should be their liking. i understood that, unintentionally, i had produced from myself, a warrior of an ancient, hierarchical education style, where survived a distinction of master-apprentice, or superior-junior; and survived some pre-given truths and methods, and survived a self-disciplined subordination... a strange stratification: both proud of not being an architect, and trying to reproduce that profession unto death; both crying out essential evils of architecture, and constant talk about the "goods" of architecture.